I have this fairly irrational fear about packing.

As of now, I haven’t lived in one place for more than 8 months at a time for the past…..4 years. And as such you’d think that I’m getting pretty good at packing, packing light and fast and efficiently.

Well you’d be dead wrong. Where I’d like to think I’m fairly efficient, especially in when I get my packing finished, I am definitely not a light or confident packer.

For instance, I’ll be moving 2 hours away from my grandparents house (where I keep a majority of my things, and if my stay-point between places during the 4 months left in the year) and so I am packing pretty much EVERYTHING I might need in the year so I don’t have to come back as often*.

*This is because of family issues and not because I’m ungrateful for everything they’ve ever done for me*

As such, not including the things my roommate at my new house has already brought to the new house for me, I have:

  • 4 medium Rubbermaid boxes
  • 2 suitcases (and a small carry-on style)
  • 2 backpacking 40/60L size
  • my laptop and backpack
  • my desktop (my main computer).
  • A plastic, 3-drawer unit from Walmart

And while I’ve gone through this several times. I’ve downsized twice, gotten rid of a lot of clothes I just don’t think I’ll need or use anymore, I still feel like I have way WAY too much stuff.

But all this pretty much contains all my clothes – summer and winter (winter boots, and my big and small winter coats) – all my recreational things, drawing painting etc, my bedding and towels, my computer (obviously, I’m moving for school after all), and any kitchen things I might need. So theoretically, it’s not too much at all.

But my anxiety, my worry that someone will judge just makes me so nauseous. It makes me want to go through everything again to make sure I’m not taking anything I really really don’t need.

There are two boxes that I feel might be worth leaving behind if to aid my anxiety. However, they serve, what to me is an important purpose too. The one is filled with decor for my room. it’s a small but bright room true, but it is not home, and I enjoy filling my space with comfortable bright things. The second is filled with books, non-school books. Both books I’ve read before and books I haven’t had a chance to read.

Yes both might be unnecessary, this place is not my permanent house, but it will be my house for 8 months and that is important.

So as I sit and pack, I’ll go through everything one more time, and this time, the weekend I leave I will be throwing out everything in my house that I do not use. Because this year I want to start new and these things I bring to my new house (and the few pieces of clothing or heirloom and sentimental art) will be all that’s left. I don’t want to keep coming back to a cluttered space, and this time I won’t.

But it’s hard to get rid of everything. Hard to get rid of everything you started your life with. After all, the things in my room at my grandparents’ house started as all I had in Canada when I started my journey. SO I really find it difficult to just shred or recycle it.

But I am also looking forward to having just this, just what I pack and nothing else.


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